Writing with Clarity and Concreteness - Making Your Message Stick

Concise Summary

Crystal-clear business writing combines specific, concrete details with strategic document structure to create messages that get remembered and acted upon. The key principles include controlling sentence length (15-20 words average), replacing vague claims with specific evidence, using active voice for accountability, and front-loading important information with strong summaries. By eliminating unnecessary words and organizing content for quick navigation, you transform abstract concepts into persuasive, memorable communication that drives business results.

This post is part of a series exploring key insights from Bryan A. Garner's "HBR Guide to Better Business Writing." Each segment transforms highlighted concepts into practical, actionable advice for improving your business communication.

Why Clarity and Concreteness Drive Business Results

Consider the business messages that have genuinely influenced your decisions or behavior. They likely shared two essential qualities: crystal-clear communication and specific, concrete details that you could easily understand and remember.

As Garner emphasizes: "Concrete business writing is persuasive because it's evidence-based, clear, and memorable." In contrast, vague, abstract writing gets quickly forgotten or—worse—misunderstood, leading to confusion, delays, and missed opportunities.

The business case for clarity is compelling. When your writing is immediately understandable, readers can act quickly on your recommendations. When you provide concrete evidence instead of general claims, you build credibility and trust. This combination creates the foundation for persuasive business communication that generates real results.

The Psychology Behind Clear Communication

Why Unclear Writing Persists in Business

Garner makes a crucial observation: "People who don't want to commit make their writing muddy." Unclear writing often stems from unclear thinking or reluctance to take definitive positions. However, in business environments where decisions must be made and actions taken, clarity isn't just a writing virtue—it's a professional necessity.

Common Clarity Killers:

Fear of taking a strong position
Attempting to cover too many points simultaneously
Using complex language to appear more sophisticated
Failing to consider the reader's perspective and knowledge level

The Reader's Clarity Test

The fundamental rule for achieving clarity: judge it from your reader's perspective, never your own. Ask yourself: "Can my readers possibly misunderstand or misinterpret what I've written?"

This shift in perspective immediately reveals ambiguities and assumptions that seemed obvious to you but will confuse your audience.

Essential Techniques for Crystal-Clear Expression

Master Sentence Length Control

Research consistently shows that readable sentences average no more than 20 words. Longer sentences become exponentially harder to process, understand, and remember.

Optimal Sentence Strategy:

Target average: 15-20 words per sentence
Vary for rhythm: Mix shorter and longer sentences to avoid monotony
Apply the brevity test: With every sentence, ask "Can I say this more concisely?"

Sentence Length Examples:

Too long (32 words): "Our comprehensive market analysis, which involved extensive research across multiple industry sectors and geographic regions, clearly demonstrates that significant opportunities exist for expansion into emerging markets."

Improved (16 words): "Our market analysis shows significant expansion opportunities in emerging markets across multiple industry sectors."

Strategic Term Definition

When using specialized terminology, avoid the common mistake of defining each term within the sentence where it first appears. This approach creates bulky, difficult-to-process text that disrupts reading flow.

Better Definition Approaches:

Separate definition section: For documents with multiple technical terms
Contextual clarity: Use terms only when essential for understanding
Plain language alternative: Consider whether jargon is necessary at all

Example Transformation:

Cluttered: "Our SaaS platform (Software as a Service delivered via cloud computing) utilizes API integration (Application Programming Interface connectivity) to streamline workflows."

Clearer: "Our cloud-based software platform uses secure connections to streamline your workflows. [Include technical definitions in appendix if needed for technical stakeholders.]"

Provide Sufficient Specificity

Vague generalities rarely persuade business audiences who need concrete information to make decisions. Instead, provide specific details that allow readers to draw their own informed conclusions.

Specificity Transformation Examples:

Vague: "Our service will save you money and improve efficiency."

Specific: "Our service has saved similar mid-size companies an average of $12,500 annually through 40% faster processing times and 60% fewer errors."

Vague: "We have extensive experience in healthcare consulting."

Specific: "We've completed 47 process improvement projects for regional hospitals, reducing average patient wait times by 23 minutes and increasing satisfaction scores by 18%."

The Power of Concrete, Evidence-Based Writing

Abstract writing relies on general concepts and broad claims that readers struggle to visualize or verify. Concrete writing uses specific examples, sensory details, and measurable outcomes that readers can easily understand and remember.

Replace Abstract Claims with Concrete Evidence

When promoting services or making business recommendations, concrete details build credibility and enable decision-making.

For Consulting Services:

Instead of: "We'll help you save money"
Provide: Specific dollar amounts saved for similar clients
Include: Detailed list of time-consuming tasks you'll handle
Name: Specific companies or organizations you've helped (with permission)
Feature: Client testimonials with quantified benefits

For Project Proposals:

Replace: "This will improve our operations"
With: "This will reduce processing time from 3 days to 4 hours"
Add: "Based on current volume, this saves 240 staff hours monthly"

Harness the Persuasive Power of Stories

Stories provide human context that makes abstract concepts relatable and memorable. Well-told business narratives create emotional connection while delivering factual information.

Effective Business Storytelling Process:

Create a chronological outline before writing any narrative
Include only relevant facts that support your business point
Present events in logical sequence for easy comprehension
Focus on outcomes that relate to reader concerns
Avoid unnecessary dates and details that distract from the main message

Story Structure Example:

Setup: "Last quarter, a manufacturing client faced a crisis when their main supplier suddenly increased prices by 35%."

Challenge: "With razor-thin margins, they needed an alternative within 30 days or face significant losses."

Solution: "Our procurement team identified three qualified suppliers and negotiated contracts that actually reduced costs by 12%."

Result: "The client not only avoided the crisis but improved their profit margins permanently."

Leverage Active Voice for Accountability

Active voice creates stronger, more direct statements that clearly establish who is responsible for actions and outcomes.

Active Voice Benefits:

Clarity: Readers immediately understand who does what
Accountability: Responsibility is clearly assigned
Conciseness: Usually requires fewer words than passive construction
Energy: Creates more dynamic, engaging prose

Voice Transformation Examples:

Passive: "The deadline was missed by the project team." Active: "The project team missed the deadline."

Passive: "Significant improvements were achieved in customer satisfaction." Active: "We increased customer satisfaction scores by 34%."

Passive: "The proposal will be reviewed by the executive committee." Active: "The executive committee will review the proposal next Tuesday."

Structure Information for Maximum Impact

Even perfectly clear writing fails if readers can't quickly locate the information they need. Strategic document structure ensures your key points receive attention and action.

Front-Load Critical Information

Write Compelling Executive Summaries Place focused, specific summaries at the beginning of important documents. Effective summaries answer immediate reader questions and establish context for detailed information that follows.

Summary Construction Process:

Identify core message: What's the single most important takeaway?
Address the 5 W's and How: Who, what, when, where, why, and how
Highlight key benefits: What's in it for the reader?
Include specific outcomes: Use numbers and concrete results when possible
Keep it concise: Typically 3-5 sentences for most business documents

Summary Example:

"This proposal outlines a customer service restructuring that will reduce response times from 48 hours to 6 hours while cutting operational costs by $180,000 annually. Implementation requires a 90-day transition period and initial investment of $75,000 in new software systems. Based on pilot testing with 200 customers, satisfaction scores increased 45% and complaint resolution improved 67%."

Use Descriptive, Functional Subheadings

Break up longer documents with informative subheadings that serve as navigation tools for busy readers who need to find specific information quickly.

Effective Subheading Guidelines:

Make them informative: "Cost Analysis" rather than "Section 3"
Keep them concise: Usually 2-7 words maximum
Use parallel structure: Maintain consistent grammatical patterns
Include key outcomes: "Projected 23% Cost Reduction" vs. "Financial Impact"

Subheading Examples:

Generic: "Background," "Analysis," "Recommendations" Descriptive: "Current 48-Hour Response Problem," "Competitive Benchmark Analysis," "6-Hour Response Implementation Plan"

Create Smooth Information Flow

Effective business writing connects ideas seamlessly rather than presenting isolated points. Strategic transitions guide readers through your logic and maintain engagement.

Essential Transition Categories:

Time Sequences: "Initially," "next," "subsequently," "finally" Adding Information: "Additionally," "furthermore," "moreover," "also" Contrasting Ideas: "However," "conversely," "in contrast," "nevertheless" Providing Examples: "For instance," "specifically," "to illustrate," "such as" Showing Results: "Therefore," "consequently," "as a result," "thus"

Eliminate Unnecessary Words for Maximum Impact

Excess words dilute your message and waste your readers' time. As Garner advises: "Remove all the words that aren't performing a real function."

Practical Word-Trimming Techniques

Delete Unnecessary Prepositions:

"April of 2024" → "April 2024"
"point of view" → "viewpoint"
"in the amount of $500" → "$500"

Replace Weak Verb Constructions:

"was in violation of" → "violated"
"provided protection to" → "protected"
"is indicative of" → "indicates"
"make a decision" → "decide"

Eliminate Wordy Phrases:

"in order to" → "to"
"due to the fact that" → "because"
"at this point in time" → "now"
"in terms of" → "about" or delete entirely

Strengthen Weak Verbs:

"was hanging" → "hung"
"is able to" → "can"
"has the ability to" → "can"

Before and After Trimming Examples

Wordy Version (43 words): "In order to make a determination regarding the most effective approach to the resolution of this issue, it will be necessary for us to conduct a comprehensive analysis of all available options."

Trimmed Version (18 words): "To solve this issue effectively, we must analyze all available options comprehensively."

Savings: 58% fewer words with identical meaning and improved clarity.

Implementation Strategy for Clarity and Concreteness

Week 1: Master Sentence Control

Day 1-2: Audit recent documents for sentence length (highlight sentences over 25 words)
Day 3-4: Practice rewriting long sentences into 15-20 word versions
Day 5: Apply optimal sentence length to new writing

Week 2: Develop Concreteness Skills

Day 1-2: Identify abstract claims in current marketing materials
Day 3-4: Replace vague statements with specific evidence and examples
Day 5: Create a library of concrete details about your services/products

Week 3: Improve Document Structure

Day 1-2: Practice writing 3-5 sentence executive summaries
Day 3-4: Develop descriptive subheadings for existing documents
Day 5: Focus on smooth transitions between ideas

Week 4: Perfect Word Economy

Day 1-2: Create personal list of wordy phrases you commonly use
Day 3-4: Practice trimming techniques on existing documents
Day 5: Apply all trimming principles to new writing

Measuring Your Clarity Improvement

Reader Response Indicators

Faster response times: Do people reply more quickly to your emails?
Fewer clarification requests: Are you getting fewer follow-up questions?
Increased action rates: Do people act on your recommendations more often?
Positive feedback: Do colleagues comment on your clear communication?

Self-Assessment Metrics

Average sentence length: Track improvement toward 15-20 word average
Concrete detail ratio: Count specific facts vs. general claims
Word economy: Measure reduction in document length without losing content
Subheading effectiveness: Can readers find information in 30 seconds or less?

Common Clarity Mistakes to Avoid

The Expertise Curse

Assuming readers share your technical knowledge and failing to provide adequate context or explanation.

The Perfectionism Trap

Using overly complex language to appear more sophisticated, which actually reduces comprehension and persuasiveness.

The Information Overload Error

Including too many details without clear hierarchy, making it difficult for readers to identify key points.

The Weak Structure Problem

Burying important information in the middle of documents instead of front-loading critical details.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: How do I balance being concrete with being concise? A: Focus on the most relevant concrete details that directly support your main message. Use specific numbers and examples, but eliminate background information that doesn't directly serve your purpose. One powerful concrete detail is often more effective than multiple vague statements.

Q: What if my industry requires technical language that seems to violate clarity principles? A: Use technical terms when necessary for precision, but always consider your audience. For mixed audiences, provide brief context or definitions. Remember that even technical readers appreciate clear, direct communication. Complex ideas can be expressed clearly without sacrificing accuracy.

Q: How can I make financial or statistical information more concrete and memorable? A: Use comparisons and context that readers can visualize. Instead of "$2.3 million in savings," try "$2.3 million in savings—equivalent to funding 12 additional staff positions." Round numbers when precision isn't critical: "approximately 25%" instead of "24.7%."

Q: Should I always use active voice, or are there exceptions? A: Use active voice as your default because it's clearer and more direct. Use passive voice strategically when the action is more important than who performed it, or when you want to de-emphasize responsibility. But if you find yourself using passive voice frequently, question whether you're avoiding accountability.

Q: How do I know if my writing is concrete enough? A: Apply the "colleague test"—could someone unfamiliar with your project understand and act on your writing? If your document contains mostly abstract concepts without specific examples, numbers, or observable outcomes, add concrete details that help readers visualize and verify your points.

Q: What's the best way to practice developing concrete writing skills? A: Start with your email communications. Before sending important emails, identify any vague claims and replace them with specific details. Keep a running list of concrete evidence about your work (specific results, client names, measurable outcomes) that you can reference when writing. Practice describing your services or recommendations using only observable, measurable terms.